What?
by Dreaming Maya
Summary: Why are they here? They're homphobes! I'm gay! They've scared off my poor boyfriend! Yaoi Slash Oneshot JacobXEdward Jakeward


This is my first AU fic! Excited! Another oneshot, though, sorry 'bout that. I just have a lot of them that I thought I should post. Um; I sorta made Edward rant in this; and it's first person. I hope you like it. Read on;

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It's simple really. I did _not_ expect them to come round. I can't _believe_ they did, really. I mean, after a huge fall-out over my sexual identity all those years ago, Emmett and Jasper think they can track me down and invite themselves in, while my boyfriend was walking around in his underwear, possibly scratching his balls, I dunno, it's likely, but I was in the shower.

Oh god, then they start the whole 'big brother' crap on him, and _I'm_ the oldest! I mean, sure, I was the geek, Jasper was the mysterious – bordering – on – emo – artist, and Emmett was the jock, so they sorta had to protect me, _back in high-school_! We've graduated, they're homophobes! They shouldn't even be here!

Dammit, now Jacob looks crushed, he's always wanted to meet my family, and he thinks they hate him. Well, they do, but they've hated all my friends that were guys, I mean, it's not like _I_ thought they were fucking all the girls they knew, so they should've returned the same courtesy! Well … I actually _did_ think they were fucking all the girls they knew … but _I_ wasn't so obvious about it!

Damn, I just got out of the shower, and now seeing them sitting across from him and glaring, I bet that's all they were doing, too!

Why is it that Jacob is even intimidated by them? He's a hell of a lot taller, and buffer … so he should have started conversation! Or better yet, throw them out, but Jacob's too kind-hearted … but now I'm just calling him weak.

"So … why didn't you come to the wedding?" Jasper asks. Oh my god, they don't have to keep glaring at Jake … maybe he should put on some pants ….

"Jacob," I decide to ignore my brothers question, turning to my poor pup. "clothe yourself, please." Aww, he looks like a confused puppy … over putting on pants … wait, what's so hard about that?

"But you don't like it when I wear them." Oh … right … just say that with my brother's breathing down our necks … damn, I didn't keep him for his smarts ….

"What are you talking about, Jake? Why don't you just put on some pants?" Hurry _up_, you stupid mongrel … fuck, Emmett looks disgusted, damn him, he didn't even have to be here.

"_Ohh_, yeah, pants, 'cuz you always wanna see my abs." …. Fucking hell, I can't believe he just said that, gets up, walks off, and goes into the bedroom. Simultaneously, my brothers turn their heads towards me, since they had been glaring at Jacob's back.

"Well? The wedding?" Emmett asks. Fuck him.

"Well? What about it? You've already had two," I pointed out. They both look like that's not a good response. "… To the same girl. I'm sure Rosalie didn't cry so much to have missed my presence. I doubt it was different from your first ones anyway …." Jasper stops glaring and scoots back into the couch, huh, must've even used the same brides dress …. Emmett purses his lips, and leans back, blowing out a sigh.

"… But you still should have come …." Oh shut up Em, I would've brought Jacob with me and made-out through the whole ceremony! Hey … I _should've_ done that!

"No, I shouldn't have. We're not on speaking terms." Take that, bitches! Now get out so I may get on with my life. Arg! Why does Jacob always slam doors?

"Hey, Ed? 'M gonna go to Dad's; something came up involving a spanner and a fridge or something … possibly a penguin, I didn't ask for details, so please keep an eye out for the mail; 'M 'posed to get a letter from Bec soon. She prolly forgot to send it though … or maybe the post is just really bad in Hawaii." Hah, he looks so cute in just a jeans and a singlet. Damn, stop glaring at him, you dolts! … Maybe I should stop drooling.

"Um … nice meeting you two …." Say something back, Jasper, you're supposed to be the cool-headed one.

"Hn." What's not even a word, bastard. Ohh! Now look! Jacob ran off! … Plus I didn't get a good-bye kiss … okay, _now_ I'm acting like a woman.

"Is there a _reason_ your here? _Besides_ scaring off my boyfriend!" Don't flinch at me, Emmett! I'm angry! Jasper nodded, stupid cowboy.

"Yes, why don't you visit?" … What! Is he a dumb-ass! Did he get amnesia?

"_Because_, you're both homophobes! And _I'm_ gay. With a boyfriend. Whom lives with me. That just ran away from you two! So _get out_!" Hmph! And they say I _never_ have a reason to be angry!

"But we're not anymore! We understand now!" Yeah, right, Em, and I, like, _enjoyed_ attending your last two weddings.

"Whatever. Get out." I don't care if I snapped, they hate me, they shouldn't have come here.

"No. You're not letting us speak." Rawr! STFU Jazz!

"BECAUSE I DON'T CARE! LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" _Huff_, god, I gotta yell at Jacob more often, I'm getting out of practise.

"… Fine, I can see we're no longer welcome." Since when were you welcome in the first place? "Come on Emmett; we're leaving now." Go!

"But … we really understand now, Edward." Shut up Emmett.

"Well then you could've tried to be a bit more civil towards my poor boyfriend." Yes I'm growling. And feeling a LITTLE guilty now Emmett looks hurt.

"But we don't know him! You've never mentioned him! We've never met!" Shut up shut up shut up shut up!

"Well maybe there was a _reason_ for that, Em! Now just … go. Please." I can't put up with this, I'm tired, stayed up all night … doing none–of–your–business. They get up and leave, and I notice Jacob sliding around them to get in. I raise an eyebrow at him, and my brothers have paused at the door, looking at him too. He looks sheepishly at me, trying to ignore the others. I don't blame him, the others are ass-holes.

"False alarm. It wasn't a penguin," I nod, mentioning him to me. I need a cuddle. "it was a Jabberwocky." I freeze, but he's jumped over the couch and pulled me into hug, so I ignore his comment, and the sound of the front door closing and fading footsteps.

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Yeah; maybe I should add to it. I might. Anyway, that's it for now! R&R! (^3^)/~333


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